Why Should I Care?
by DannigirlSOS
Summary: Second songfic. Usagi has a date. Why does Mamoru have such mixed emotions about it? WARNING: probably a tear-jerker!


Hi again!! Here's another songfic! I don't personally think my song fics compare with most of the others I've read, but hey, no one's told me to stop writing them, so whenever I'm inspired, I'll will write!! And I was immediately inspired by this song!!  
  
D/c: Sailor moon not mine *weep* Song not mine either,(but I CAN sing it pretty well!! ^.^) It's "Why Should I Care?" by Sara Evans.  
the "she's" in the song are now "he's" cause it's from Mamoru's POV, k? K  
  
This is my FIRST, yep FIRST story I'm doin in first person, PLEASE PLEASE review and tell me whatya think!!!! Enjoy!  
  
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As usual, I entered the arcade on this lazy afternoon to pay a visit to my best friend, Motoki. And as usual, Usagi had beaten me there and was already conversing excitedly with him at a small booth. Actually Usagi, half out of her seat and leaning up on the table, supporting herself on straight arms, had a huge smile on her face and an abnormal sparkle in those beautiful deep blue eyes of hers as she spoke, seeming to be more bubbly and happy than usual.  
  
"Hey Motoki!" I walked over; purposely ignoring Usagi.  
  
"Hi Mamoru," he replied, "Wait till you hear what Usagi has to say!"  
  
So I was right; something was going on, but of course I couldn't resist making a smart comment as to what it was, "What?" I looked at her and smirked, "You actually PASSED a test today?"  
  
She turned and stuck her nose in the air(I love it when she does that, but of course I'd never admit it!) "NO!"  
  
"So you FAILED the test, as usual?"   
  
She snorted and glared, "There WAS no test Mamoru-baka!"  
  
She looked so cute when she was angry.  
  
"Come on, Mamoru, can't you be nice just for once?" Motoki tried defending her.  
  
"I don't think 'nice' is in his vocabulary," the odangoed one muttered.  
  
I put on my best mischevious smile, "I guess it's not."  
  
"Oh, forget it!" she said as she stood, "You know what? I don't think even YOU can get my spirits down today."  
  
Ack! I had totally forgotten to find out what it was that Usagi was so happy about, well better late than never. "And why is that?" I asked smugly.   
  
"Because I have a DATE!" she replied as she narrowed her eyes at me; the very tone of her voice rubbing it in my face, "AND it's the third time he's asked me out this week!"  
  
I stared at her blankly for a moment. Was that my heart that just sank into my stomach? A DATE!? How could she have a DATE!? Well it was obvious, what guy wouldn't want to spend his time laughing with her, to run his fingers through her golden hair, have those big eyes looking lovingly up at him, to be able to wrap his arms around her perfectly shaped body, to kiss those big ruby red, wait a minute! WHAT was I THINKING!! Yeah, she looked good, yeah she was a caring person, I had admitted that to myself a long time ago, but WHERE were THOSE thoughts going?  
  
"Can't think of a witty remark NOW, can you?" she snapped me back into reality.  
  
"HAH! What kind of an idiot would want to go on a date with an odango atma like YOU?" I retorted without thinking, "Must be really desperate. Either that or just stupid!"  
  
Her eyes watered up with tears, "YOU!!! HOW COULD YOU!?!" she erupted, "When you insult me, I can take it, but to say that about HIM!"   
  
I had done it once again. I had gone too far, made a total idiot out of myself. She wouldn't let herself cry, though it was obvious that she wanted to. No, not in front of me, she didn't want to satisfy me, to give me what I was looking for, but truth be told, I never meant to hurt her, ever. All I was usually after was a friendly little word battle to see who could outsmart the other; just for fun, but that's never how it turned out. I always said or did something stupid without thinking, and I hurt her, caused another wound in her soul, forcing her to label me as nothing but a jerk, and I guess I was, but at the moment I called myself a few more harsher names for letting it happen again.  
  
"Usagi, I, I," I stammered for the words to try to apologize.  
  
"OOOOOH forget it!" she stomped out of the arcade to wait for her date to come.  
  
I sighed, sat down at the counter, and continued my decent into self-pity. "Humph, Usagi on a date, yeah right!"   
  
"Is that a hint of jealousy I hear in your voice Mamoru?" Motoki taunted as he handed me my usual coffee.  
  
"NO! Of course not!" It wasn't...was it?  
  
Motoki smiled, "Well it's true. She was telling me all about it before you came in. His name's Chase, and from what I hear, he's a real charmer."  
  
"Huh, I'd have to see it to believe it," I mumbled.  
  
"Well here's your chance."  
  
"What?"  
  
Motoki pointed out the window.  
  
Usagi ran up to him full speed, her ponytails flowing behind her, until she was almost ready to collide with him and he picked her up and spun her around in the air causing the glistening golden locks to curl and wrap around both of them. He set her down and kissed her on her forehead, and she looked up at him with the most emotion filled eyes I've ever seen. You could almost hear them saying "Aishiteru" to each other.   
  
They looked so perfect it made me sick. Oddly enough, this "Chase" character looked as if he could be my brother; the same black hair and blue eyes, and nearly the same build. The only difference was that he obviously treated her better, a lot better, than I did. This only infuriated me more. Why? I don't know, it just did, I mean how would you feel if this girl, this BEAUTIFUL girl, thinks of you as nothing but a jerk, then goes out and dates someone that looks nearly the same as you! OK, so maybe I WAS jealous, but why shouldn't I be? I mean here was this guy out there holding my Odango atma! Wait a sec, MY Odango atma? Since when had she become MY Odango atma!?  
  
I snorted and hunched back over the counter drinking my coffee, "So what? She really does have a date. Why should I care?"   
  
Motoki simply shook his head, as if he knew something I didn't. It then dawned on me. I WAS jealous, I DID care, all this time, I thought all I wanted was her attention, but it was more than that, I loved the little klutz. The little light in everyone's lives that radiated joy and fun wherever she went. I wanted more than attention, I wanted more than freindship, but I was afriad, I pushed her away, I couldn't just come out and say it, I couldn't promise anything, because I was afriad of giving my heart away, of losing someone again, and now I was paying the price.  
  
  
  
Why should I care if you  
found somebody knew  
and you look like you're in love?  
And why should I care if he   
looks a lot like me  
and he's all you ever dreamed of?  
  
I didn't care enough to keep you around,  
so tell me  
Why should I care now?  
  
I was the one who let you go.  
I never told you that I loved you.  
I wouldn't promise anything  
the way you needed me to.  
Oh, my heart was never really there.  
So why should I care?  
Why should I care?  
I just do.  
  
  
  
You know, her eyes used to light up when she saw me, and our little arguments WERE friendly. I'm pretty sure that she enjoyed out little battles of wits too. I really don't even think she minded me calling her "Odango atma" that much; it had become more of a pet name than anything else. And perhaps, just maybe, she had feelings for me too at one time, but if they were ever there, they were gone now. I had hurt her too many times, crushed whatever hopes she may have had for me and her. Simply demolished the belief that I ever WAS doing it to hide my emotions and what I truly felt, and I became nothing to her but "Mamoru-baka" the jerk who lives simply to annoy her. If only she knew the truth; if only I had known the truth earlier. Things could have been different, I know they would, but it was simply too late now. Everyone's got their moment where you decide what you want. A turning point for a major desicion that will make or break your very exisitence, and mine passed by without me even knowing it. Whichever day it was, that was the day I pushed her too far. Whichever day I could have given her a shoulder to cry on, or simply a few kind words instead of my normal routine of ruining her whole day, and we could have become closer; she wouldn't have given up on me, and I would trade anything to relive that moment again, but like I said, it was past, and I made the wrong desicion, I was now no one but "Mamoru-baka" in her eyes.  
  
Motoki could see the pain and aungish in my eyes, it seemed as if he were reading my thoughts. And why wouldn't it? He had seen all these arguments take place, right here in this arcade. Maybe even had some talks with Usagi about it. She loved me, and I pushed her away. That love turned into frustration as I continued refusing to let her in, and then when I realized what I'd done and that I'd loved her all along, it was too late, she'd already given up and moved on. It was all a giant soap-opera. We were the actors, and he was the viewer; unable to do anything but watch his friends' lives torn apart, beacause he knew that, no matter what he said, we could not be convinced until we learned the hard way. And that lesson was simply learned too late.  
  
  
  
So why should I care  
if I'm nothing in your eyes;  
what you felt for me is gone?  
And why would I feel that way  
now that it's too late  
to change what I did wrong?  
  
Oh, I didn't care enough to keep you around  
so baby tell me,  
why should I care now?  
  
I was the one who let you go.  
I never told you that I loved you  
I couldn't promise anything  
the way you needed me too  
Oh, my heart was never really there.  
So why should I care?  
Why should I care?  
Well, I just do.  
  
  
  
I set my head down on the counter in my crossed arms, trying to fight back the tears.   
  
"You know I would have tried to help but-"  
  
"But I wouldn't have listened. I know Motoki," I said; my voice cracking and breaking in every way possible, "but I lost her. The love of my life is gone, but it all could have been prevented if I had just LET her steal my heart. I knew that's what was going to happen the moment I saw her, she would steal my heart and I would be hers forever, and I wasn't sure if I was ready for that, and know that I know I am, I'll be hers, but she'll never be mine."  
  
Tears streamed unwillingly down my face, and Motoki did his best to comfort me, "You never know, Mamoru, you never know."  
  
  
  
Oh, my heart was never really there  
so why should I care?  
Why should I care?  
I just do.  
Yeah, I just do.  
Baby, I just do.  
  
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*wipes tears from eyes* Oh, my! Was that as much of a tear jerker to you as it was for me? I didn't plan it that way... PLEASE tell me if you like!   
  
Oi, I hate sad endings.. You guys think I should do a sequel??   
  
E-mail dannigirlsos@yahoo.com  
  
  
till next time,  
DannigirlSOS  



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